Vita's Tip in 10: The Worst Word in the English Language: Part 2

Hello, hello, friend, welcome to this week’s episode of Vita’s Tip in 10. Today's tip is a follow up to last week's episode where I shared with you my least favorite word in the entire English, Russian, and Ukrainian languages. In fact, I dislike this word in all languages, even the ones I don’t know. And that word is BUT, as in B-U-T.   

The use of the word “but” that I referred to in last week’s episode is about connecting two parts of a sentence or connecting two different thoughts in two sentences.  

And I really encouraged you to substitute the word “but” with the word “and”, because even though the former may be grammatically correct, and may express your sentiments, it is still much more positive to use the word “and” as a connector between the two sentences.  

So today, I am continuing that thread with the word “but”, and focusing on when it is used in a sentence that starts with “Yes, but…”  

This phrase is often used as a response when asking a friend, or a business coach, or a colleague for help or advice. Or when listening to self-help and business podcasts, very much like this one, or we may read something in a book, or an article, or maybe a blog post.  

The point is that we seek advice through various sources, and that advice is given to us. And oftentimes our immediate reaction is to say “Yes, but it's not going to work for me because of such and such reason”.  

As in, you would say to someone else, or in reaction to a book or advice, “Yes, but your situation is different, and mine is unique, in such and such ways.” Or “Yes, but I cannot do or implement your advice for such and such reasons.” “Yes, but this is not going to work for me.” And you will find a million reasons why that advice is wrong, or not applicable, or does not relate to you, or would not work for you, or is not right for you.  

And you justify it by telling yourself a story that somehow you are so unique and so different and so special that this advice is wrong in your situation.  

So that, my friend, is my second least favorite use of the word “but”. 

And my advice to you is very similar to last week’s episode. Consider this a double-down kind of tip, because it is that important, and because hearing something more than once is imperative to it really sinking in. 

My advice is this: Instead of using the word “but”, the response that you want to teach yourself to have is, “Yes, AND”. Just like I encouraged you to connect your thoughts and clauses and sentences with “and” last week, I am encouraging you here in this episode to teach yourself to react to somebody else's advice by saying to yourself, “Yes, AND I can use this advice in such and such way.” “Yes, AND I see how it can work for me in such and such way.” “Yes, AND I will make minor adjustments to this advice, and with those minor adjustments, it will be very much applicable to my situation, my business model, my structure, my hopes, my dreams, my goals.”  

I bet there were many situations or instances, maybe even while listening to this podcast, that you said to yourself, “Yes, but…”. Sometime over the course of the past year, while listening to 64 episodes of Vita’s Tip in 10, I bet a thought has crossed your mind where you said, ”Yes, but Vita only markets to interior designers, and I like doing retail”, or “Yes, but Vita has a workroom component to her business, and I outsource my fabrication”. Or “Yes, but Vita has an in-house installer, and I am struggling with managing the contractors.” “Yes, but Vita has a team of people who work in her business, and I am a solopreneur and I wear all the hats and I have to do all the things.” “Yes, but Vita’s advice is not quite applicable to me.” These are just a few examples where I could venture a guess at what a listener might say to him or herself.  

Using the phrase “yes, but…” is essentially negative talk, because the word “but” is not a productive kind of word. It's not a “let me move the needle forward” kind of word. And if it's not forward then it is either stagnant or backwards, and that is a negative concept.  

When we allow ourselves to use this phrase, we are teaching our brains that it is permissible to use negative self-talk, which only exacerbates those neuro pathways of more and more negative self-talk.  

So, to change that pattern, we have to create awareness and catch ourselves using this phrase, until it becomes second nature to replace it with the much more positive “Yes, and…”  

As in, “Yes, AND even though I don't have an in-house installer, I can use Vita’s advice in this other way.” Or “Yes, I am a solopreneur of my business, AND I can listen for this tidbit of what she's saying to make strides towards my goals of my first hire.” 

I'm just using myself as an example or a punching bag if you will, to demonstrate how you might have used that, “yes, but…” negative self-talk. I think that many of you who are aware of that would agree that you may be using it in many other instances. 

So, my tip in 10 for you today my friend is to catch yourself using this negative and unproductive phrase. 

I want you to develop that awareness and know you are doing yourself a huge disservice when you respond to advice with “Yes, but…”. You are not moving your life or your business forward. It is not a productive use of your time. And if you want to achieve the goals that you have in mind, the better way to respond is to accept and embrace any information that you are given, and teach yourself to say, “Yes AND here is how I can use this advice.”  

It may be difficult in the beginning, especially if that is not something that you are used to. And just like everything else, it takes practice and time to change the ways that we are so used to acting. Eventually, your consistency and practice will pay off, and it will become second nature. 

And if you are looking for more tips just like this; if you’re looking for ways to communicate and to find out “how would Vita say it”.  If you’re looking for ways to enhance your productivity and workflows; if you are looking for ALL the systems to run your business like a well-oiled machine – you have two ways of working with me personally.  

One is through LuAnn University, my Systems Driven Operations class. And the second is a two-day in-person intensive where I hand over all my systems for you to use and put to work immediately in your business. I want you to check out both tools, because they are different and equally applicable depending on where you are in your business and how fast you want to achieve your goal.   

Until then, my friend, connect your thoughts with the word “AND” and try to replace “Yes, BUT” with “Yes, AND”.  It’s fun! And in the meantime, I will be working on my next episode of Vita’s Tip in 10. See you next Thursday!