Vita's Tip in 10: The Worst Word in the English Language and How to Replace it

Hello, hello friend! So today's episode is about my least favorite word in the entire English language. And not just English. I also speak Russian and Ukrainian and it is my least favorite word in all three languages. 

And it is the word but. No, no, no, not B-U-T-T, not your derriere. It is the word but, as in B-U-T.  

As in, “However”. That would be a fancy way of saying my least favorite word. There's also another way of spinning it into a clause, by starting a sentence with the word “while”, as in, “while I see the point that you’re making…here’s what I am trying to say, blah, blah, blah.” Those are two variations of essentially one word, B-U-T. 

It is where you are seemingly agreeing with someone’s statement, and yet at the same time, making it a point to express your disagreement. So the word “but” comes up in several instances, and has come up for me and my team recently. I wanted to share some of these examples with you in hopes that perhaps it will resonate, and you will make a mental note of it. The whole idea of this episode is me encouraging you to, at the very least, minimize the use of the word “but” and in its best scenario eliminate it altogether, or as much as possible. That is exactly what I am trying to do with my communication style.  

So, back to the instance with my team. I noticed that one of my team members has been starting her sentences with the word “but”. Let's say we have a client over in our studio, and we are showing her beautiful selections. She's agreeing with some, she's eliminating others, we're having a good productive dialogue. 

And this team member would say, “but what do you think about this beautiful blue chenille?”  

Or she would say, “But how about we use this interesting contrast piping on your upholstered sofa?”  

It is the use in these two sentences that has really brought to the forefront for me, the extreme dislike that I have for this word.  

I've always known it, and recently having had this particular appointment, it bothered me so much that I wanted to share it with you here on this podcast.  

Clearly, there is absolutely no reason to start a sentence with the word “but” when she is not disagreeing with what the other person is saying. She is actually moving the needle forward, contributing to the conversation and adding value to the whole process. And so I am going to have a separate conversation and discussion and give a little bit of training to this team member of mine to make sure that there is awareness.  

I think that's exactly what is happening here. There's just not an awareness that that word is even being used. And once the awareness happens, then we can try to change it. This is an extreme case of using the word.  Usually in our everyday speech, we feel that using “but” is warranted because that is the type of sentence that we are structuring.  

For example: “I see what you're saying here, BUT my point of view is x y and z”. OR “BUT I would like you to do it this different way.”  

Examples of where we use the word but are so ubiquitous. It is crazy. I took a very special notice for the last couple of days as I was mentally preparing to record this episode. And it is almost unbelievable how often we use it, because we feel that it belongs in that sentence.  

And I can't necessarily say that we're wrong in believing that, because when we say something like “I see why you did x, BUT I would like you to do y”. The word “but” definitely belongs there. What I'm trying to teach you here is that if we switch the word “but” for a different word, and the meaning of what you are trying to say will remain the same. The tone and just the general feeling and the aura produced by that sentence will automatically change from something that is slightly defensive to something a lot more positive and productive.  

So my encouragement to you in this very simple example I just shared is to say, “I see that you did x here, AND I would love for you to do y here, for these reasons.” Another example would be, “I understand why you did something in XYZ way, AND I would love for you to consider these ABC ways.” 

Do you see the difference? The point that you're trying to make is still there. You still want the other person to explore a different way. You are still having a different perspective than they are, and you would like for them to see it. You are just communicating it in a much more positive and pleasant way.  

I first heard of this concept a long time ago. For whatever reason, I was either listening to a podcast or watching some sort of documentary, or perhaps it was a small feature on the Today Show. Essentially, the program I saw or heard was about improv speaking. And I am not an improv speaker at all, let alone an expert, or anything of that nature. The one rule that I remember specifically, sort of the very first and cardinal rule of any improvisational comedy or speaking, is that you say, “yes and…”, so somebody would say a sentence or a joke, and in the improv way, your job is to build on it and add to it. And the transition from one improv comedian to the next is to say “yes, and…”. 

Even though I heard this little tidbit a very long time ago, that lesson has stuck with me for a very long time. And it is the basis of what I am teaching you today. When you communicate with someone else, and you're trying to make a point and oftentimes several points, connect those points with the word “and” and never the word “but”.  

Even though “but” seems like a natural, more organic way sometimes, and it sure is not wrong. It definitely fits and is appropriate for some conversations. I guarantee that if you use the word “and” the whole sentence structure and most importantly, the whole feeling of what you're communicating will not only be much more positive, it will also be received with a much more open mind than if you use the word “but”.  

My friend, I also invite you to re-listen to this episode, not just for the content of it. Also, I would like for you to count the number of times I said the word “but”. If you don't have time to re-listen, or if you simply just believe me, I will fast forward to the punch line. That answer is zero times, and if you don't believe me, go ahead and re-listen. I dare you to prove me wrong. And if nothing else, re-listen to hear all the opportunities where the word but would have surely fit right in and would have been grammatically correct. And yet, I chose something a little bit lighter, a little bit more positive, a little bit more productive. A little bit more cheerful. It is a simple three letter word that makes all the difference in the world.  

And if you are looking for more tips just like this;  if you’re looking for ways to communicate and to find out “how would Vita say it”.  If you’re looking for ways to enhance your productivity and workflows;  if you are looking for ALL the systems to run your business like a well-oiled machine – you have two ways of working with me personally. One is through LuAnn University, my Systems Driven Operations class. And the second is a two-day intensive in my newly renovated studio where I hand over all of my systems for you to use and put to work immediately in your business. I want you to check out both tools, because they are different and equally applicable depending where you are in your business and how fast you want to achieve your goal.  

Until then, my friend, connect your thoughts with the word “AND” and try to minimize the word “BUT”.  It’s fun! And in the meantime,  I will be working on my next episode of Vita’s Tip in 10. See you next Thursday!